May is Mental Health Awareness month. Mental health issues are important to me both personally and professionally. As a nurse practitioner, I have cared for patients with a variety of disorders at varying levels of severity. Personally, I have struggled with anxiety and depression that at a time became very debilitating. Family members of mine have also battled anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder.

I know it’s now the end of mental health awareness month, but I still want to share my perspective with you. I have been thinking about, planning, and trying to write this for weeks now. But mental health awareness is such an important topic, that I didn’t want to just put a half-assed, let’s all be positive and understanding piece out there.

The truth is, I’ve been in a MAJOR funk for the past several weeks. Personal struggles coupled with all the stress from Covid-19 issues finally got to me and I’ve had to work through some stuff. I have struggled with anxiety and depression, probably since late high school. There were times when I felt absolutely terrible and didn’t know why and other times when I felt like a “normal” person. And that’s how a lot of mental health illnesses are, they are a rollercoaster of ups and downs and plateaus, and you never really know how long each part of the ride will last.

My Story

I am a chronic people pleaser. I want nothing more than to make everyone happy and make everyone like me (setting myself up for failure, I know…there is just no way to ever accomplish those two monumental tasks). But nevertheless, I try to do everything in my power to make others happy, make people like me, and take care of everyone around me. Sometimes, it comes at a price…I tend to put myself and my self care last, which isn’t healthy even for someone with the strongest mental health.  I’m a goal setter, and I’m very unforgiving with myself if those goals aren’t met. I hold myself to extremely high standards and place a lot of my perceived self worth in my ability to meet those standards. Basically, compounding my anxiety and stress.

Over the years I have come to recognize what a “flare” up of my anxiety and depression look like. And it looks exactly like the “funk” I’ve been in the past couple of weeks. I find my energy, motivation, and creativity zapped. I’m short tempered with the people I love most and get annoyed easily at the dumbest things. I can do the things that need doing and go through the motions, but my heart isn’t really in it. It’s hard to explain and understand because, outwardly, if you don’t know me well, you probably couldn’t tell. I can still function on a level where the outside world would never know the difference. Because that’s the kind of person I am, everyone else is first, no matter how I feel inside. But lately I’ve just felt empty and drained, and sad/unhappy for no particular reason. 

The Worst Of It

Anxiety, depression, and other mental health illnesses all have specific diagnostic criteria, but can really look different for everyone.  Some people are completely debilitated by their illnesses and unable to complete normal daily tasks, while others suffer more silently and inwardly. I finally got treatment for my anxiety and depression about 2-3 years ago.

Shortly after I began practicing as a nurse practitioner, my anxiety really came to head. I’m already a high-strung person so my newfound responsibility for making, sometimes, life and death decisions for other people (children and babies), really weighed on me. I was anxious all the time and became obsessive about my work.

I came in to work early and stayed hours later than I needed to. Then I would go home and get on my computer and check vital signs and nurses’ notes from my house to make sure the kiddos were still doing well. It consumed me. I wouldn’t eat anything for days because all I could focus on was making sure I was doing the best, right things for my patients. I was constantly questioning myself to make sure I wrote my orders correctly, did my dosage calculations correctly, and made the right assessment, diagnostic, and treatment decisions.

When I wasn’t at work, I retreated into books as an escape from the world and my own thoughts and worries. I think I read 12 books and lost about 30 pounds in the span of a month and a half. Finally, my mentor told me my anxiety wasn’t healthy, I was hurting myself and I needed help. It was hard to hear and accept, but she was right.

How I Helped Myself

I made an appointment with my doctor and she prescribed an anti-anxiety/antidepressant medication and it made a HUGE difference. It helped me in ways I didn’t even know I needed help. Looking back I can see so many symptoms and negative impacts my mental health had on my life and my friends and family. I used to have crazy mood swings that would happen without warning or any real trigger. I would internalize every little comment, tone of voice, and look from people around me. At times I felt like everyone was purposely leaving me out or ganging up on me- in retrospect, if they were it was probably because they felt like they had to walk on eggshells around me.

Since starting medication, my moods have leveled out and don’t swing around quite as wildly as they used to. My family has told me I’m a much more pleasant person now. And I can feel happy. I went for long periods of time in the past without truly feeling happy or good but not actually realizing it.

I have tried to stop taking my medication a few times over the past couple of years (which I DO NOT recommend doing without the guidance of your health care professional).  Basically, I would forget to take it for several days which would turn into weeks…then I would find myself starting to have irrational mood swings and getting upset and annoyed about nothing really and realize I needed to start taking my medicine again. I definitely don’t recommend being so lackadaisical about mental health medications though because there can be some nasty side effects from abruptly stopping medication therapy.

Medication Therapy

I am by no means saying that taking a medication is the only way to treat mental health illnesses, but it’s what works for me. The most important thing to do to help yourself is to talk with a professional and make a plan that works for you and your life. Medication therapy also doesn’t have to be for life. Everyone is different so what works for you, may not work for me. And what works for me, may not work for the next person.

But for me, the chemical imbalances in my brain are so much better when I’m taking my Prozac. There are so many environmental and genetic factors that provide input into our bodies that cause certain genes to switch on and off in different combinations leading to changes in our hormone and chemical levels. We all need proper levels of tons of different chemicals and hormones for our bodies to function. They are responsible for everything!! And if they are out of whack, you can bet your mood and mental health can get out of whack too.

Understanding Mental Health

Mental health issues can’t be wished or willed away. And they are difficult to understand and even more difficult to treat sometimes. But they are as real as having an ear infection or broken bone. And yet, resources for mental health issues and mental health awareness are seriously lacking.

Mental health awareness and acceptance are so important. And that’s why I’m sharing my personal story with you. According to nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) 1 out of 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness every year, 1 out of 25 U.S. adults experience SERIOUS mental illness every year, and 1 out of 6 U.S. youth (age 6-17) experience a mental health disorder every year. You guys, that’s A LOT of people! According to healthypeople.org, the leading cause of disability in the U.S is neuropsychiatric disorders and suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death.

Mental health illnesses are no joke; they can seriously make it so hard to function. I’ve been in that disabling place with my anxiety. I’m so thankful for my family and friends who encouraged (ok, forced haha) me to talk to my doctor. And I have taken care of way more teens that tried to end their lives with overdoses than I ever imaged I would.

Mental health illnesses don’t have one single cause. They are multifactorial and occur as a result of social, environmental and genetic factors and chemical imbalances in our nervous system. Some people are more susceptible to mental health issues and it’s not always possible to predict who may develop problems and who won’t. But the truth is, no one is immune and literally anyone can be affected. Mental health illnesses don’t care how old or young you are, they don’t care about your race, ethnicity, or religion. And while people of lower socioeconomic status are at higher risk for certain things, these problems don’t discriminate based on how much or little is in your bank account.

How We Can Help

Unlike love and kindness, mental health illnesses are not contagious. But awareness, kindness, love, understanding, and compassion can go a long way to help those who experience mental health issues. Mental health illnesses occur in varying degrees of severity. They are the kind of problem people live with on a daily basis. Some days are worse than others.

Here are some things that help keep me in the right headspace or get out of my funks when they happen:

• Taking my Prozac consistently
• Spending time with my family
• Letting Brian and my sisters make me laugh
• Exercising (especially outdoor walks)
• Being in the sunshine
• Changing up my essential oil routines
• Reading a good book (just one or part of one, not 12….)
• Baking
• Shopping
• Spending quiet time alone (but not too much)
• Watching a favorite movie
• Petting my doggos (also makes Maisy and Loki happy)
• Getting my nails done

A little mental health awareness goes a long way. Having a mental health illness and needing help does not equal weakness. It does not mean you are any less important, wonderful, smart, kind, strong, ambitious, or successful than someone without a mental health illness. It does not make you unlovable, a bad friend, or a bad person. We need to stop the stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination. We need to show ALL our fellow humans love, kindness, and compassion. You don’t have to be best friends with, agree with, or even like everyone you meet, but you should always be kind, respectful, and accepting of others.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, there are ways to get help! No one has to go it alone. Open up to someone you trust. Make an appointment to talk with your doctor. Do a Google search for resources. Visit nami.org. Call the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 800-950-NAMI (6264). Help is also available from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

XOXO, stay well friends

Jaye